The “Until” Person
I'm an until person — I can't enjoy nice things until I've finished all the jobs.
The problem is that there are always more jobs. I should always be doing more, so I keep putting off the nice things.
I've got beautiful gifts in cupboards that I can't use until my house is finished. I want to get my nails done but I think, I'll just wait until I really deserve it or something special happens.
For my 50th birthday, my mother-in-law promised me a meal in a Yotam Ottolenghi restaurant in London. I still haven't gone — because I think I'll just wait until I've got this project out of the way (while simultaneously mentally lining up the next project).
I am now 52.
Today though, I broke it.
I was going to spend the day finishing a piece of work but… I see you, until script — keeping me away from enjoyment. So I took control. I ditched the work and went for a gorgeous walk in the Peak District with my lovely son.
What more is there in life?
It’s all about awareness — catch it, and make a conscious decision.
There are other process scripts. Ring any bells?
After
I can do nice things, but I’ll have to punish myself afterwards.
Always
I have to stick with this situation no matter what. I made my bed, now I have to lie in it.
Never
I never get what I want, so I don’t start things because they’ll never work out.
Almost
I’m almost happy — I just need to do this one more thing. And when the one more thing is done, another one appears.
A gentle question to leave you with
What are you putting off until later — and what might it be like to choose now?
If you’re curious about the patterns that unconsciously shape your life, therapy can help you see them- freeing you to make intentional decisions.