Do We Disappear As We Get Older?

Why, (in the west at least), is it accepted that we disappear as we get older?

What happens to our value as we age? Our bodies start to fail us, death and illness are not so rare any more, we don’t see ourselves reflected in the media (of course that anti age cream works on her- she’s 26 grr!). What does it mean to ‘retire’? What does it mean when what looks back at me from the mirror seems like a cruel distortion? ...I stopped turning heads a long time ago but sometimes I wonder, am I here at all?

I remember 15 years or so ago, my great aunt, then in her 70s, walked into a sold-out exhibition at a gallery in London. As I stood in the queue to hand over my hard paid-for ticket, she, ticketless, was already inside, looking at me from the other side of the barriers. By way of explanation when I eventually joined her, she said- “Darling” her eyes raised like the impish young woman she once was, “I am completely invisible”.

And now I’m there – now I see it- now they don’t see me…but what if we, as older people, took the liberation and joy in knowing no one is watching….What would you do?

I am on my 6th full career change as I fly through my fifth decade. For my final (maybe, maybe not) iteration, I looked for a profession where I wouldn’t disappear; where my years of experience, learning, wisdom, heart break and joy would hold its value as I continue consciously and with intention into the next phase of this one wild and precious life (M. Oliver 1990).

Father of Transactional Analysis, Eric Berne talked about 6 psychological hungers- structure, recognition, contact, incident, passion, stimulus. We need to attend to them all in order to thrive.

Humans need to be important; we need to make an impact. To do that we need to keep evolving and adapting and embracing life as we get older- now is the time, with all of life’s transitions and uncertainties, to show commitment to yourself, to discover what you care about and what connects you with the world around you.

I am passionate about working with older people. Let’s talk about the loss; the shame; the uncertainty, and let’s work together to reclaim your wisdom, power, potential and a new direction.

You can find out more on the therapy for later life page or explore the services page.